The Dubai Croquet Club Committee is super excited to hear that Amelia and her friends are learning about Croquet right now.  It's such a fun game to play isn't it?

![](/images/Screenshot%202023-01-12%20at%2010.00.41%20AM.png)

Amelia and her Mom found a really useful link for learning about the history of Croquet and some helpful notes for beginners.  It's so good that we've added it to our [links page](/links).

### For those that can't wait, here is Amelia's awesome link:

[https://www.playgroundequipment.com/a-beginners-guide-to-learning-to-play-croquet/](https://www.playgroundequipment.com/a-beginners-guide-to-learning-to-play-croquet/There)

We also noticed some very cool playground stuff on that site. Check out this crazy swing we found. We can imagine putting one of these on the side of the croquet lawn so that spectators have something fun to do while watching the game:

![](/images/PSW420WS\_5-inch_Elite_Single_Post_Cantilever_Swing\_4\_Bay\_2\_Cantilevers_\(Green\)-1000x707.jpg)

Thanks to Amelia and Amelia's Mom, to Mrs Pedersen, and to all of Amelia's fellow students.  We hope you are enjoying learning about croquet and that you enjoyed your holiday break. Have a great semester!


Croquet Updates From Amelia & Friends

## Life time ban for Boris

Boris Johnson, the bumbling party monster, divider of nations, allegedly serial philander & fabricator, sporter of rubbish hair and generally degenerate, self-interested grease ball, has been banned for life by the Dubai Croquet Club Committee.

![](https://miro.medium.com/max/750/0\*6nofQ7zWm6d1c_o9.jpg)

Obviously as a unopinionated bi-partisan and inclusive bunch we do not take this lightly but let us put the evidence before you.

### The Evidence

1.  Lied about pretty much everything relating to the EU during his Brexit Campaign.

2.  [Had multiple cheese and wine raves during lockdown, flouting the government's own rules - nice.](https://www.vox.com/2022/1/15/22885055/boris-johnson-uk-party-wine-scandal-covid-19-lockdown)

3.  [Andrew Mar is generally a pretty smart guy and he thinks Boris is a nasty piece of work](https://www.theguardian.com/politics/video/2013/mar/24/boris-johnson-accused-nasty-video).

4.  [Even the previous Conservative attorney general thinks Boris is full of it](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/boris-johnson-dominic-grieve-downing-street-prime-minister-mps-b1990608.html).

### Polling the Nation

After an extensive and statistically irrelevant survey we have discovered that Boris' own contituent thinks he is a ["Filthy piece of toerag"](https://twitter.com/Haggis_UK/status/1180721558500909056?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1180721558500909056%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1\_\&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2Farticle%2Fboris-johnson-woman-toerag-insult)

### The Action

![](https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/X7Q7L6FNQEI6TFARUYEPTUGC2M.jpg)

> Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (soon to be formally) of 10 Downing Street, London, UK

> is hereby banned for life from all Dubai Croquet Club events, tournaments, socials, work events or otherwise.

![](https://i2-prod.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article101472.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200/boris-johnson-pic-rex-149163468.jpg)

### Addendum

Novak Djokovic is still welcome for now.  Despite being a bit of tit, putting other athletes at risk and then lying about it, he's actually good at his job, and that matters mallet fans.

![](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/cb5ee63600e77242f1a2404c47aace1aa0204646/78\_150\_2905\_1744/master/2905.jpg?width=465\&quality=45\&auto=format\&fit=max\&dpr=2\&s=7e0770f5ee3031304bd34ca5913d649d)

But you're on warning Djokovic, you cheeky monkey. Don't make a habit of it.


Boris Johnson Gets Lifetime Croquet Ban

What To Wear - 2022 Dubai Croquet Season

> "A goal without a plan is just a wish.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

### Looking fabulous and drinking PIMMS is essential but strategy is the croquet champions best weapon against the enemy.

![](/images/strategy-under-the-tree.jpg)

### As can be seen here, during the 2021 Clements Cup, the opposing team are in fact looking at cat videos on Instagram rather than planning for the game ahead. Leading to their untimely downfall.


Croquet Strategy - Bring your Big Game

## What to do on a humid April weekend in 2021 during a pandemic?

### The committee was formed, PIMMS was poured.  Mallets were unsheathed.

![](/images/croquet-setup.jpg)

### Setting up took rather less time than procuring supplies for the big day.

### ![](/images/ben-running.jpg)Tensions were running high as teams debated choosing golf, association or plain old pirate croquet.

### ![](/images/long-distance-hywell.jpg)It soon became apparent the other team had a ringer.

![](/images/tina-shooting-hoops.jpg)

### Thankfully we had our own Rayon clad ricochet rocket to level the field.



What is even happening?

Croquet Updates From Amelia & Friends

Boris Johnson Gets Lifetime Croquet Ban

What To Wear - 2022 Dubai Croquet Season

Croquet Strategy - Bring your Big Game

The Inaugural Dubai Croquet Session

News

What is even happening?

Croquet Updates From Amelia & Friends

Boris Johnson Gets Lifetime Croquet Ban

What To Wear - 2022 Dubai Croquet Season

Croquet Strategy - Bring your Big Game

The Inaugural Dubai Croquet Session