The Clements Cup 2023 Season Opener

Ain't got no Dubai Problems because the event of the season is upon us. Never mind the FA cup, the Superbowl, or the holy grail. They are NOTHING compared to the splendor and allure to the sporting gentleperson that is

Tensions will be running high at this season's opener. Our gallant and humble captain will be defending his (yes ok, and this team's) gloriously held title as the undefeated, the undisputed, Dubailand / the world champion croquet GOAT.

Come and be seen along with everyone who is anyone at Dubai's greatest social and sporting event since Jay-z's missus did a thing at some gaff on the palm recently.

Extra points for looking fabulous in white. Or off-white. Or sea foam white. Or light white. Or cricketers white. Or wedding dress white.

There will no doubt be cucumber sandwiches, scones, and iced tea back at the clubhouse just around the corner after the main event. Young Smithers will be on the phonograph, laying down some ill beats.

Mallet off @ 15:30 Safa Park by the big tree.

Come play with our balls. Register your interest with the committee NOW!

Rules are subject to change. Terms & Conditions will apply, ritual sacrifice may be required.

The supreme leader, head of the committee, generally general, all round good chap, most glorious leader, and our captain's word is final.