The Dubai Croquet Club Committee is super excited to hear that Amelia and her friends are learning about Croquet right now.  It's such a fun game to play isn't it?

![](/images/Screenshot%202023-01-12%20at%2010.00.41%20AM.png)

Amelia and her Mom found a really useful link for learning about the history of Croquet and some helpful notes for beginners.  It's so good that we've added it to our [links page](/links).

### For those that can't wait, here is Amelia's awesome link:

[https://www.playgroundequipment.com/a-beginners-guide-to-learning-to-play-croquet/](https://www.playgroundequipment.com/a-beginners-guide-to-learning-to-play-croquet/There)

We also noticed some very cool playground stuff on that site. Check out this crazy swing we found. We can imagine putting one of these on the side of the croquet lawn so that spectators have something fun to do while watching the game:

![](/images/PSW420WS\_5-inch_Elite_Single_Post_Cantilever_Swing\_4\_Bay\_2\_Cantilevers_\(Green\)-1000x707.jpg)

Thanks to Amelia and Amelia's Mom, to Mrs Pedersen, and to all of Amelia's fellow students.  We hope you are enjoying learning about croquet and that you enjoyed your holiday break. Have a great semester!


Croquet Updates From Amelia & Friends

## Life time ban for Boris

Boris Johnson, the bumbling party monster, divider of nations, allegedly serial philander & fabricator, sporter of rubbish hair and generally degenerate, self-interested grease ball, has been banned for life by the Dubai Croquet Club Committee.

![](https://miro.medium.com/max/750/0\*6nofQ7zWm6d1c_o9.jpg)

Obviously as a unopinionated bi-partisan and inclusive bunch we do not take this lightly but let us put the evidence before you.

### The Evidence

1.  Lied about pretty much everything relating to the EU during his Brexit Campaign.

2.  [Had multiple cheese and wine raves during lockdown, flouting the government's own rules - nice.](https://www.vox.com/2022/1/15/22885055/boris-johnson-uk-party-wine-scandal-covid-19-lockdown)

3.  [Andrew Mar is generally a pretty smart guy and he thinks Boris is a nasty piece of work](https://www.theguardian.com/politics/video/2013/mar/24/boris-johnson-accused-nasty-video).

4.  [Even the previous Conservative attorney general thinks Boris is full of it](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/boris-johnson-dominic-grieve-downing-street-prime-minister-mps-b1990608.html).

### Polling the Nation

After an extensive and statistically irrelevant survey we have discovered that Boris' own contituent thinks he is a ["Filthy piece of toerag"](https://twitter.com/Haggis_UK/status/1180721558500909056?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1180721558500909056%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1\_\&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2Farticle%2Fboris-johnson-woman-toerag-insult)

### The Action

![](https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/X7Q7L6FNQEI6TFARUYEPTUGC2M.jpg)

> Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (soon to be formally) of 10 Downing Street, London, UK

> is hereby banned for life from all Dubai Croquet Club events, tournaments, socials, work events or otherwise.

![](https://i2-prod.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article101472.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200/boris-johnson-pic-rex-149163468.jpg)

### Addendum

Novak Djokovic is still welcome for now.  Despite being a bit of tit, putting other athletes at risk and then lying about it, he's actually good at his job, and that matters mallet fans.

![](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/cb5ee63600e77242f1a2404c47aace1aa0204646/78\_150\_2905\_1744/master/2905.jpg?width=465\&quality=45\&auto=format\&fit=max\&dpr=2\&s=7e0770f5ee3031304bd34ca5913d649d)

But you're on warning Djokovic, you cheeky monkey. Don't make a habit of it.


What To Wear - 2022 Dubai Croquet Season

Oh My Goodness. Where does the time go?

It's 2022 already.

The Dubai Croquet season is upon us.

What to wear, who will be watching and should I call my agent?

Do you even have an influencer license?

Looking Fabulous, Being Fabulous

This season it's all about the oversized & unstated look.

Our resident Latin American giraffe and fashion guru Daniel is telling us that this season's coolest cats are all going crazy for the Leeenin.

Matching that bold statement mallet to some understated muted tones.

Did someone say white is the new white - stop it already.

Read next

Croquet Updates From Amelia & Friends

Boris Johnson Gets Lifetime Croquet Ban

What To Wear - 2022 Dubai Croquet Season